Its 2009, the world welcomed it but .i'm the same old dumb..?

Sounds like you're depressed. RUN, do not walk, to a doctor to ask for help with this. Please stop trying to cope with this all by yourself. Get yourself to a doctor (preferably a psychiatrist) and to a counselor who specializes in depression. They will help you. You stated you would like to do something new this year. Here's your chance to do exactly that. Having your depression is not a choice..... but either staying stuck in it or deciding to reach out for the help you need are both choices. Which direction do you want to go? Best wishes to you! Please get that help.